#yes i did make the same joke about trump and my rights

[lyzbian10]

The US goverment can take my tiktok but they'll have to pry my gay fanficton out of my cold dead hands

[sturionic]

Donald Trump Is Not Joking About Annexing Canada: A Fucking Timeline

December 3, 2024: Trump's quip about Canada becoming 51st state was a joke, says minister who was there (CBC News 🇨🇦) <- This is when it could have feasibly been a joke

January 7, 2025: Donald Trump is quoted in a press conference directly stating his intentions to annex Canada (New York Times, timestamp 0:45 🇺🇸) <- This is where Americans should have stopped telling Canadians it's just a joke

REPORTER 1: Are you also considering military force to annex and acquire Canada? DONALD TRUMP: No. Economic force.

February 7, 2025: Trudeau says Trump threat to annex Canada 'is a real thing' (BBC 🇬🇧) <- This is where the Commonwealth starts to take it seriously

Trudeau suggested Trump has floated the idea of taking over Canada and making it the "51st state" because he wants to access the country's critical minerals. "Mr Trump has it in mind that the easiest way to do it is absorbing our country and it is a real thing," the prime minister said.

February 9, 2025: "Trump's national security adviser: 'I don't think there's any plans to invade Canada'" (NBC News 🇺🇸) <- CANADIANS NOTICE THAT THIS IS NOT A VERY STRONG DENIAL OF POSSIBLE MILITARY FORCE

February 10, 2025: Trump Confirms He’s Serious About Wanting Canada As 51st State (Forbes 🇺🇸)

Fox News host Bret Baier asked Trump whether Trudeau was right in telling business leaders the U.S. president’s threat to absorb Canada is a “real thing,” to which Trump agreed with Trudeau and responded, “Yes it is.”

February 12, 2025: ‘Trump effect’: How US tariffs, ’51st state’ threats are shaking up Canada (Al Jazeera 🇶🇦) <- This is where the rest of the fucking world outside America starts to take it seriously

February 18 2025: CBC releases podcast episode: "What if the U.S. invaded Canada?" (CBC's Front Burner 🇨🇦)

March 4, 2025: Canada Eyeing NATO Ally's Nukes To Deter Trump 'Threat': Candidate (Newsweek 🇺🇸), British nuclear weapons can protect Canada against Trump, says Trudeau party candidate (The Telegraph 🇬🇧)

“I would be working urgently with [European Nato allies] to build a closer security relationship… in a time when the United States can be a threat,” said [Canada's] ex-foreign minister and finance minister at the final Liberal leadership debate last week.

March 4, 2025: Prime Minister Trudeau: "What he wants is to see a total collapse of the Canadian economy, because that’ll make it easier to annex us” (CTV News 🇨🇦)

March 7, 2025: BC Premier David Eby: “We know the president in back rooms with Canadian officials has said he wants to redraw the border" (Global News 🇨🇦)

Eby: "If this president wants to annex Canada, he should save his breath to cool his soup, it is never going to happen.”

March 7, 2025: How Trump’s ‘51st State’ Canada Talk Came to Be Seen as Deadly Serious (New York Times 🇺🇸) <- This is where American news media starts to treat this as maybe possibly not a joke

March 9, 2025: U.S. Congress bill aims to prevent funding of invasion of Canada (CTV News 🇨🇦) <- This is where you should understand that military force is ON THE TABLE

March 11, 2025: Canadian opinion of U.S. falls sharply; 63% take Trump's threats 'very seriously' (National Post 🇨🇦)

March 13, 2025 (TODAY): Trump threatens to acquire Canada, Greenland while next to NATO chief (Global News 🇨🇦)

“To be honest with you, Canada only works as a state...This would be the most incredible country visually,” [Trump] said. “If you look at a map, they drew an artificial line right through it, between Canada and the U.S., just a straight artificial line. Somebody did it a long time ago, many many decades ago, and it makes no sense.” -Donald Trump

And hey, just for fun, let's contrast that with another quote:

First of all, I would like to emphasize that the wall that has emerged in recent years between Russia and Ukraine, between the parts of what is essentially the same historical and spiritual space, to my mind is our great common misfortune and tragedy...I am confident that true sovereignty of Ukraine is possible only in partnership with Russia. -Vladimir Fucking Putin, the year before launching an attack on Ukraine, which everyone also said he was joking about and definitely wouldn't do (2021 essay, Kremlin official website 🇷🇺)

I know you're overwhelmed, Americans, but please stop saying this is a joke. Canadians are anticipating an invasion, possibly within the year. This is not a fucking drill.

[day-mark]

at least watch the clip before commenting about it

https://x.com/DNI_lowkey/status/1901922848681161008

youre right that i shouldve watched the clip before talking about it, but im afraid this still changes very little on how i feel about what they said.

you know if tub.bo had gone into the stream with this attitude instead maybe things wouldve been different. also changing your mind means nothing to me if it's not admitted privately to the party affected, and frankly also publicly in this situation considering how much of the harm was done publicly

disclaimer none of this is directly quoted

sad that there was no middle ground to be had between him and dream/sad he realized they wouldnt be able to reach and agreement and become friends again -> i added this later in the tags of my original post, but there could never have been a middle ground to reach with dream when he refuses to give dream even the tiniest benefit of the doubt. the entire time he reacted to dreams stream, he assumed nothing but the worst despite repeating over and over that he would be fair, multiple example i cant be assed to bring up, but him assuming dream didnt defend punz automatically and then being told no, he did defend him. or reading into why dream removed the mention of caiti when all it was was that dream interpreted the end of the sentence differently. dreams concedes multiple times to tub.bo but not once does he extend that same attitude to dream. hell he got mad at dream for using his own clip of saying his friends shouldnt be making grooming jokes

the stream humanized dream and it would make their audiences put down the pitchforks - i find this extremely ironic given that what came out of tub.bos streams instead was mass dehumanization again to the point where someone said he could queerbait because he "operates as a business". also no, having dream on stream does not humanize him to your audience if you again, only are on the offensive and take issue with every single thing he says. also basically having this attitude of "well I tried my best to humanize him to my audience" but sitting back and watching them spread misinformation and "dream is an evil manipulator" and saying nothing means nothing to me.

neither side was mature/this couldve been ignored - braindead fucking take. "ah yes, lets ignnore the situation We Provoked by repeatedly calling dream a groomer, trump supporter, etc'" harassing someone until they snap and then turning around to go "oh neither of us were mature, we shouldve been the bigger person and ignored it 😔" is idiotic and shows zero self-awareness. i cannot tell if they are that dumb or if its intentional at this point.

jack saying there was never a middle ground and he was proven right that they could never be friends/didnt work as friends and he was glad he didnt prematurely cut ties with someone he couldve made amends with + he distanced himself a while ago - also stupid when he is one of the worst offenders of bringing dream up "days since jack mentioned dream" anyone? sure you could distance yourself and sometimes you just dont get along with people but then the reason he doesnt like dream that he cites is that he made a joke to George about being the reason for his success and repeatedly made poor taste jokes about dream and punches down on him Constantly. sorry but this does not scream "being mature about distancing yourself and simply having different personalities that clash"

comments its weird how much people care and that they dont care - motherfucker you actively fueled it with your repeated "jokes". the "red flags" they harped on about in their Other podcast episode. also if you dont care why do you keep fucking bringing him up. even before this whole situation

tubbo realizing he exaggerated his own emotions about the situation because of the stream and afterwards realized they were all stupid - again. this would mean more to me were this not a paywalled podcast and if he acknowledged it Publicly. also idk, making another comment about how unlabelled people cant be queer weeks(?) after the stream does not scream "i realized i overreacted and was immature about this situation"

jack doesnt want to stop making "little jokes" because theyr funny and tub.bo says and as long as its not malicious - does not scream "distancing myself from dream and wanting to move on" also how many fucking times do we have to say that calling someone a groomer (especially when people already actively believe this) and a trump supporter is not "a little joke". at this point it doesnt matter if jack is not being malicious, his audience will take it as such and continue their hostility.

yeah sorry but with their recent behavior both before and after the stream, this means absolutely nothing to me. this still screams that they dont understand the harm theyre causing and frankly dont Want to understand, they want to keep using dream as their punching bag. if they truly want to be mature about it then fucking act like it. they have flipped between sides too often for me to think this is anything meaningful, i mean hell tub.bo couldnt even decide on if dreams a trump supporter or not in those streams(and yeah if it was a joke that "haha oh idk actually he might be a trump supporter" it was not funny and made things worse bc his audience is braindead and will take it as gospel". like im tired of them pouring gasoline on a situation or hell even Starting The Damn Fire and then turning around and acting like they didnt.

also i find it hysterical jack said tub.bo seemed miserable at the end of the stream and was wondering why he would do that to himself, when he does not stop tommy from doing the same thing and at some points even encouraged/fed into said behavior making him miserable.

also the entire queerbaiting conversation and comment made after is utterly unacceptable to me and its not something im going to forgive with no apology or understanding regardless of what they think of dream

i might come back to this to add/change things, im at work and this may be incoherent rambling*

[kaliforniared]

The Red Circle Pt. 3 (SPOILERS)

*Cutely drops my notes* 

John’s REALLY struggling with the tech. I almost feel bad for the guy (almost).

Aww the episode starts off with John asking the gang (Mariana & Sherlock) if they’re okay after finding a dead body. Always nice he checks in with them!

“The good doctor here” SHERLOCK COMPLIMENTING JOHN

Imani’s back, yay!

Oh no, poor Imani…

This exchange:

Imani: “Sorry about this” (sending another red circle pic)

Mariana: “No no no-don’t be sorry”

Sherlock: “Yes you musn’t it’s fantastic”

John: “Sherlock”

Gregson and Mariana are formerly meeting!

THE MUSIC IN THIS CASE OMG ITS SO GOOD!!!

John, you’re playing Italian Mob style music to “capture the mood”?? What happened to “not wanting to stereotype?!”

JOHN JUST REPLACE THE MIC GODDAMNIT

“Ahh do I have a PTSD friend?” John’s new method to making friends apparently 

Mariana’s right this is stupid just GET A NEW MIC!! You can still keep the old one, John!

I now have a mental image of Sherlock staring wide-eyed at a big tv like he’s in a trance and I LOVE it

Aww possible future movie nights with a new tv!!

DONALD TRUMP JUMPSCARE

Wives of Cheshire comeback HA!!

“Oh you out of your trance are you?” Seriously how mesmerized was Sherlock to the tv for John to make this joke TWICE?!

Mariana discovers the next clue, awesome!

Sherlock: “I don’t seem to have (seat)belt”, Gregson: “What a shame” Gregson you’re such a salty bitch and I love you for it

Poor John trying to get around copyright stuff

“That’s a good start, you did knock and you did say please-“ another sweet moment of Sherlock getting better with social norm stuff

Wow John is REALLY stressed, and Sherlock is NOT helping

Hehe Sherlock is an iPad kid confirmed

I’m starting to love John calling Sherlock ‘Sherls’

“What’s the Site manager like? Is he…she…they?” John says nonbinary rights

John: Ah I’ve stepped in piss”, Sherlock: “Show me the urine”…um what???

You really can’t catch a break your shoes, huh John?

I’m listening to Sherlock and John talk about possibly reaching down into toilets in order to solve the case…man I love this podcast

John: “You’re doing the next one”, Sherlock: *sharp inhale* “fine” tbf Sherlock this was YOUR idea

“The Patreon numbers are gonna collapse” no such thing sir I’ve checked and we’re all here and loving this

Sherlock: “Imani would you perhaps like to have a go?”, Imani: “No”, Sherlock: “Bugger” I love how quickly he says it

Neuralizer mention! I love the Men in Black movies so much

OOOH, John and Sherlock making the realization at the same time!

Sherlock why do you always have a gun??

NOT THE CHIPMUNK VOICES DURING AN EPIC MOMENT

“English pigs, wot?” John sounded so genuinely confused by that

AHHHHHHH CLIFFHANGERS, THE BANE OF MY EXISTENCE!!!!!!

Okay as painful as that cliffhanger is, this case is getting GOOD! I’m loving it. It’s definitely jumping up to my top five fave cases from the podcast. I was not expecting the case to be as silly as it is, and I’m absolutely relishing in it. I love the irony of John insisting this case is gonna be a bad one when I’m loving every minute of it! Alright everybody, now we just have to not die from waiting on the last part…see y’all next week!

[mariacallous]

Wading through the latest dreck from the 2024 campaign, it seems that a racist congressman from Louisiana has demanded that the mythic dog-and-cat-eating, “vudu”-practicing Haitian immigrants of Springfield, Ohio, slurred by Donald Trump on the national debate stage earlier this month, “better get their mind right and their ass out of our country before January 20th.” Or else. Under pressure from colleagues in the House on Wednesday, the congressman, Clay Higgins, deleted the social-media post. Then hours later he told CNN that he stood by it anyway: “It’s all true. . . . It’s not a big deal to me. It’s like something stuck to the bottom of my boot. Just scrape it off.” Asked about the controversy, House Speaker Mike Johnson called Higgins “a dear friend of mine” and a “very principled man.” As for the tweet, Johnson, an ostentatiously devout Christian, replied, “We move forward. We believe in redemption around here.”

Outrage is an impossible emotion to sustain in this age of manufactured political outrage. I know it; Higgins and Johnson surely know it, too. Indeed, they are counting on it. Who, after all, will remember this particular bit of hate speech next week, when there will undoubtedly be so many newer, fresher outrages to be upset about? But still. Maybe pause a minute on this one. While Democrats agonize over the proper levels of policy detail required to prove Kamala Harris’s suitability for the Presidency, Trump and his acolytes have gone deep into the racist recesses of the American psyche to run a campaign meant to stir the passionate hatreds and deepest insecurities of their followers.

J. D. Vance recently made the mistake of publicly admitting the artifice inherent in all this. In an interview with CNN’s Dana Bash, the Republican Vice-Presidential candidate was asked about the alleged Haitian pet consumption and why he and the former President kept bringing up a story that had no basis in fact. “The American media totally ignored this stuff until Donald Trump and I started talking about cat memes,” he said. “If I have to create stories so that the American media actually pays attention to the suffering of the American people, then that’s what I’m going to do.” When Bash expressed shock at his admission, Vance backpedalled, but barely, claiming that he had, in fact, heard “firsthand accounts” from his constituents, causing him to spread the rumor, never mind that they were swiftly debunked. “But,” he concluded, “yes, we created the actual focus that allowed the American media to talk about this story and the suffering caused by Kamala Harris’s policies.”

Days of coverage ensued about what he did or did not admit in the interview, lost in which was the important point that this was not a “gotcha” story about a single errant statement from Vance but a core belief that has underpinned the MAGA approach to politics since Trump’s demagogic début, nine years ago. The jokes about Trump’s “they’re eating the dogs” debate line might have missed the point, which is that when the laughter fades, the slurs remain. This is how propaganda works. Ask Congressman Higgins.

I was reminded of this when I received a call from Fiona Hill, the top National Security Council aide on Russia for much of Trump’s Presidency. Hill told me that she was stunned by how similar Vance’s defiant embrace of the radicalizing power of stories, whether true or not, was to the views advanced by Vladimir Putin’s chief international propagandist, the Russia state-television personality Margarita Simonyan: So what, in effect, if we make stuff up? “I was just really struck: RT and VT—Vance-Trump—are the same,” she said. “It’s the same weaponization of migration and disinformation.”

The episode recalled for Hill an incident early in Trump’s Presidency, in November of 2017, when Trump tweeted out several inflammatory videos from a British far-right group purporting to show attacks carried out by Muslim immigrants. British officials contacted Hill, urging her to get the White House to have Trump pull down his tweets and disavow them. But, she said, when she brought the concerns to the White House press staff, which was then run by the current governor of Arkansas, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, she was rebuffed. Hill was told that Trump was simply using the videos to further his domestic political agenda. When Sanders was then asked about the tweets by reporters, her response was an uncanny preview of Vance’s recent remarks: “Whether it’s a real video,” she said, “the threat is real.”

Vance’s justification for the Springfield slur—that he was really making a point about “Kamala Harris’s policies”—is a reminder of another one of the big lies powering this election: the charade that Trump is actually an ideological MAGA warrior engaging in legitimate and substantive policy dispute, and that that policy agenda is what makes him appealing to his otherwise unrepresented followers. This canard has been one of the most persistent fallacies we’ve heard from Republicans about Trump, a category error that fundamentally misses what kind of politician he really is.

I was reminded of this often overlooked point while moderating a book launch for “The Origins of Elected Strongmen: How Personalist Parties Destroy Democracy from Within,” an important new academic work by Andrea Kendall-Taylor, a former national-intelligence official covering Russia and Eurasia, and two academic colleagues, Erica Frantz and Joseph Wright. Their study places Trump in the international category to which he properly belongs—that of an aspiring autocrat who has taken over the Republican Party and turned it into a “personalist” vehicle for himself, the type of party that, in the authors’ words, exists “primarily to promote and further the leader’s personal political career rather than advance policy.” This is now a global phenomenon, the authors found—from Brazil under Bolsonaro and Turkey under Erdoğan to less cited cases in El Salvador, Georgia, Poland, Senegal, and Tunisia. Putin’s Russia, regrettably, is the modern archetype, a template going back more than two decades that the others have followed.

Where does all this leave the non-MAGA Republican? We actually know the answer to this one: they are hunkered down, still largely planning to vote the party line, averting their eyes, ignoring the slurs, and pretending that Trump and his campaign are something other than what they are. Nikki Haley offered a pretty clear version of the contortions required by the hard-core Republican partisan who both hates Trump and is voting for him anyway, because, well, the policy. During the début of Haley’s new Sirius XM radio show, on Wednesday, she struggled to explain why she was now publicly endorsing a man that she called “toxic” and “totally unhinged” just a few months ago. She said that she had not forgotten his campaign’s personal attacks on her—including, apparently, putting a bird cage outside of her hotel room to emphasize his insult of her as a “bird brain”—but that she was willing to overlook the insults now, because “politics is not for thin-skinned people” and she needed to think of “the good of our country.” She then listed the economy, the border, national security, and “freedom” as reasons why she would make such a sacrifice. Uh-huh.

To the extent that Trump is promoting policy in 2024 at all, his proposals largely revolve around a single theme: he will wave his magic wand and make problems go away. At the G.O.P. Convention in Milwaukee, he promised, “Under my plan, incomes will skyrocket, inflation will vanish completely, jobs will come roaring back, and the middle class will prosper like never, ever before.” In his rallies, he pledges to end the war in Ukraine “in twenty-four hours.” The Republicans’ all-caps political platform, which was approved at the Convention in Milwaukee after being personally dictated, in part, by Trump, contains planks such as vows to “STOP THE MIGRANT CRIME EPIDEMIC” and “MAKE OUR COLLEGE CAMPUSES SAFE AND PATRIOTIC AGAIN.”

Earlier this week in Georgia, Trump appeared at a campaign rally that was billed as a policy rollout for his plans to inaugurate “a new age of American industrialism.” In between extolling his proposed tariffs as a brilliant scheme to “take other countries’ jobs,” Trump, the policy maven, questioned Harris’s intelligence and patriotism, attacked electric cars (except those manufactured by his supporter Elon Musk), and said immigrants were “coming from all over the world” to ruin the country. Trump’s signature moment in this rally, as in other recent speeches, was when he recounted his takeaway from the two assassination attempts against him: “People say: It was God, and God came down and He saved you because He wants you to bring America back.” Still think this is about policy? Kamala Harris might need an eighty-two-page economic plan printed out on glossy paper, but not Trump. His was sent from Heaven above to rescue us. 

[odinsblog]

Elie Mystal covered the ridiculous, “Presidential Immunity” (aka, “Why Can’t Trump Be Treated Like A Dictator?”) case before SCOTUS

Dreeben: "BECAUSE THERE WEREN'T CRIMES!" (he didn't yell, I did, but he said "because there weren't crimes." )

Oh God, now Roberts wondering if they should send it back to the DC circuit because he's worried about presidents getting prosecuted in bad faith.

Roberts: "The court of appeals did not get into a focused consideration of what facts we're talking about or what documents we're talking about... they did not look at what courts usually look at when... taking away immunity."

Is this motherfucker serious? His argument is "Every president coups, why is mine getting charged?"

Thomas: Are you saying there's no immunity even for official acts?

And... that could be the ballgame

Roberts, Gorsuch, and Kavanaugh are more worried about a prosecutor going after a president for *political* reasons than A PRESIDENT TRYING TO OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT.

This is just about over.

And by "this" I mean the rule of law and by "over" I mean delayed indefinitely to help Trump.

Gorsuch suggesting that under the government's standard a president could be prosecuted for leading a "civil rights protest" in front of Congress and sought to "influence an official proceeding."

Yes, because Jan 6 and a fucking sit in are the same thing, Neil.

This is goddamn disgusting.

I'm going to keep listening because it is my literal job, but this is pretty much in the bag for Trump at this point. Remand to DC Circuit for decision on "official acts" and whether organizing a coup is one.

After November, if Trump loses, SCOTUS will return to the issue.

Alito: Are you really saying the president is subject to criminal laws like everybody else?

YES YOU DICK. THE PRESIDENT SHOULD BE SUBJECT TO THE LAWS LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE!

Alito: "I'm not talking about the particular facts of this case."

WHY? WHY THE HELL ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS FUCKING CASE RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU?

The question I'd have for the SCOTUS now is: If you do this, why would a Republican president every peacefully transfer power again?

Democratic presidents will because Democrats follow rules that don't apply to the other side. But why would Republicans just leave *ever again*?

Alito: Couldn't FDR's decision to inter Japanese Americans during WWII be charged [as a crime]?

He says that LIKE THAT'S A BAD THING?

And Dreeben is trying to say that he couldn't.

This country, and specifically this court, is a fucking joke.

Now onto self-pardons. Alito is just playing all the Fox News hits now.

I'm going to smoke. Biden should send Seal Team 6 to Mar-a-Lago because according to Alito there's no downside.

Alito just suggested that the last election was "questionably decided"

I have left my body and am texting things I can't say aloud to my friends.

Kagan is like the first person to be asking about the actual criminal acts Trump is charged with.

I assume Alito is not listening because Kagan is a woman while Gorsuch is probably sitting there emailing the New York Times because they got something wrong on the Spelling Bee.

I see the internet is unimpressed with Dreeben but that's being a little unfair. The Republican justices want to do this, there's nothing that Dreeben could say to stop them.

What he *could* be doing was making their hypocrisy more clear for the non-legal media following along.

But... SCOTUS advocates have to preserve their ability to argue another day, and blowing up the justices in one case

A: Doesn't help them actually win the case.

B: Actively hurts them in the next one.

Kavanaugh: "Like Justice Gorsuch, I'm not concerned with the here and now of this case, I'm concerned about the future."

I don't know why this is acceptable. I do know that the justices are sure they are right about ignoring the facts of THIS ACTUAL CASE.

Kavanaugh... who WORKED FOR KEN STARR... is basically saying that Jack Smith is politically motivated and his appoint in unconstitutional.

It's... maddening. And most of the media reports will not even point out this hypocrisy.

The "independent counsel" law was rewritten into our current "special counsel" law BECAUSE of the shit Kavanaugh helped Starr do! Everybody was like "that crap can't happen again."

Somebody get @neal_katyal and @MonicaLewinsky on the phone to blow up this asshole.

@neal_katyal @MonicaLewinsky Every time I try to no have a stroke listening to this bullshit, they say something even more risible and stupid.

@neal_katyal @MonicaLewinsky Kavanaugh: "President Ford's pardon. Hugely unpopular when he did it... now probably looked on as one of his better decisions."

What? WHAT? WHO THE FUCK THINKS FORD'S PARDON OF NIXON WAS A GOOD IDEA? WHEN DID I DIE AND GO TO HELL????

@neal_katyal @MonicaLewinsky This could be a men v. women 5-4 ruling.

Men: Let's kick this back to DC to further delay Trump's trial.

Soto, Kagan, Jackson: Why? That's fucking dumb.

Barrett: Ladies, I agree with you, but we shouldn't call the men fucking dumb. We should politely disagree.

@neal_katyal @MonicaLewinsky We're past the two and half hour mark for an argument where the Republican justices made their decision when they were appointed, some of them decades ago.

@neal_katyal @MonicaLewinsky KBJ is closing by trying to answer all of Gorsuch's questions, which would be effective if Gorsuch operated in good faith. But... he doesn't. So...

@neal_katyal @MonicaLewinsky I had hoped that *one* of the liberal justices would have made the point from the Common Cause brief, highlighting that the whole point of what Republican justices are doing is to give Trump delay.

Not a persuasive argument for the justices, but good for the media to hear.

@neal_katyal @MonicaLewinsky The case is submitted. Court doesn't come back till May 9th which will be a decision day.

But I think they won't decide *this* case until July 3rd for max delay. And that decision will be 5-4 to remand the case back to DC, for additional delay.

@neal_katyal @MonicaLewinsky I wish I had better news for you. Thanks anyway for following along with our national descent into madness.

[blushweddinggowns]

“I am sorry,” Eddie said for probably the millionth time, cringing at the glare Chrissy was sending his way. She wasn’t nuclear pissed but she was pissed, “Don’t look at me like that! You know I’d just be miserable if I went.”

Chrissy sighed, but she didn’t sound very surprised, “I just can’t believe after all that talk, you’re ditching me again.” 

Eddie shrugged, sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck. But his mind was already made up,  “I’ll owe you twice. But for now I’m staying right here.”

“Yeah, yeah. Cute boy trumps over me, I get it, ” Chrissy joked as she peered over at Steve, “Y’know, you could come with us. It’s only for a few months. And uh, you could bring a friend. Or two.”

It was actually kind of impressive, how fast Steve was able to move to cover Robin’s mouth. The yes was written all over her face, but Steve was ready to be the voice of reason, “Unfortunately, no. Nancy has the BAR exam in a few weeks and Robin has already been enlisted to help her through it.”

“Shame,” Chrissy sighed, laughing when Robin shook Steve’s hand away from her with a glare. But the lack of response made it clear she had no counterpoint. Chrissy went on, her eyes going back to Steve, “But that didn’t explain why you couldn’t go.”

Eddie watched, a little nervous about what he would say. Because while yes, it would be fun to drag Steve around the world on tour with his best friend, Eddie was kind of hoping to keep him to himself awhile longer. 

Steve blushed at the invitation, “That’s uh, quite the offer but-”

“But you should pay him if he goes,” Robin said bluntly, nodding Eddie’s way, “Especially if he quits his job for you. Honestly, I think you should reimburse him for the sick days he had to take because of your lying ass-”

Steve slapped her on the arm, his face on fire, “Robin!”

Chrissy just laughed as she watched them, “See? Stuff like this is exactly why I like you!”

Robin flushed at the compliment, but shrugged , “What? I’m just adding some realism to the whirlwind romance in case he fucks you over again.”

Huh. That was kind of a good point. Eddie hadn’t even thought of that. He didn’t know how it looked to literally add his boyfriend on to the payroll but…

“We could do a trust fund kind of thing?” Eddie offered instead, “That might be easier. No strings attached.”

“Irrevocable?” Robin asked, ignoring Steve trying and failing to shut her up again. 

“That would be the no strings attached part, yes.”

“Ooh, I like that-”

“He’s not going to pay me to be his boyfriend!” Steve interrupted with a huff, looking between them like they were the ones being unreasonable, “You can’t be serious about this.”

Eddie frowned, “Baby, it wouldn’t be paying you to be my boyfriend. You would get it if you dumped me or not. It would be more like…”

“A thank you for being his boyfriend!” Robin finished for him, “Honestly Steve, it’s the least he can do.”

Eddie nodded with her, “It really is.”

Steve stared at him, eyes wide, “Holy shit, you are literally insane. You are a crazy person.”

“Get used to that,” Chrissy sighed as she picked up her bag, “Now I gotta go. Hug me.”

Eddie did just that, sweeping her up into a big hug, one that took her clear off the ground. She laughed as he squeezed her, giving Eddie a quick kiss on the cheek goodbye. She did the same to Steve, though both of them politely looked away when she took things a little further with Robin. Even Eddie was a little surprised. He knew Chirssy could move fast but this seemed a little too… loving. Even for her. 

“I’ll call you when I get back. Just text me when Nancy gets off work,” She said quietly after she stepped back from her, a light flush to her cheeks, “I hope I can see you both again. It was fun.”

“I-yeah. Definitely,” Robin stuttered out, “Will do that. Yes.”

They all waved goodbye, watching her disappear into the airport before turning back for the car. 

“So,” Robin said as she got back into the backseat, “Trust fund. How do we make that happen?”

Steve groaned, covering his eyes with his hand, “Please stop trying to make me into an escort, Robin.”

“Oh my god, has love made you stupid?” Robin asked as she rolled her eyes, “He’s a millionaire who fucked you over. Why shouldn’t you get any money?”

“Babe, for the love of god shut the fuck up. He’s right here.”

“I don’t mind,” Eddie chimed in as he started the engine, “Besides, I think she’s right. It is the least I can do. I just don’t want to make you uncomfortable-

“That isn’t the insane part!” Steve interrupted, pinching the bridge of his nose as he took a deep breath, “Both of you… just stop talking.”

Eddie sighed but listened, glancing in the rearview for Robin’s reaction. She didn’t look pleased either, but when she caught his eye she perked up.

Text me about it, Robin mouthed at him through the mirror.

I will, Eddie mouthed back, snapping his mouth back closed when Steve glanced at him. 

Eddie didn’t think much of it after that. He dropped Robin and Steve off, texted her about the idea on and off throughout the day, checked in on Chrissy when she made it home, then picked Steve up from work. He made him dinner, listened as he talked about his shift, and then pulled him into his lap for some bad reality television. 

It was an incredibly normal night, one that Eddie still couldn’t believe he got to keep. But fuck, was he grateful. 

“Hey, baby?” Steve said around a half-hour in, his voice sleepy and adorable. 

Eddie couldn’t help but kiss his forehead, smiling down at him, “Yeah?”

“Can I see your phone?” Steve sweetly asked.

“Sure,” Eddie said, handing it right off to him. He had nothing to hide, not anymore. He was even back to the convenience of having one phone, his stupid extra donated to charity the day after he got Steve back. Besides, it made sense for Steve to have the code anyway, it was his birthday after all. He didn’t even think about it as Steve unlocked it.

He probably should have thought about it. 

“I fucking knew it,” Steve groaned before shoving the phone right back into his face, “What’s this?”

Eddie blinked at him, biting his lip as he was confronted with a pretty indepth trust plan with Robin. Eddie shrugged at him, guilty as charged when he answered, “You just told us to stop talking then. You never said we couldn’t bring it up later.”

from the next chapter of this fic

[ultimatebottom69]

Trump won

now. I see some kind of campaign to recount the votes and frankly yeah go sign that shit but hum.

This is about me for a second. Yes the filthy European. Well. As I said last night before passing out drunk. Palestine is fucked. Keep giving donations and all but you must know too right.

Abortions rights ? Well i hope you didn't like women.

Trans rights ? Doll there was already barely any. He gonna snuff that shit out.

The economy ? Oh baby 2016 eletric bungaloo remix. But you all knew that.

Suicide hotlines ? Over crowded as all learn the info as usual.

Immigrants rights ? Basically snuffed.

Police brutality ? Oh you thought George Floyd would be the worse they ever done it ? Think again.

My respect for this country ? None. I respect only the people I talked to.

My hope for this country ? Doll. The whole world watched with bated breath, we sent our whitest blond woman journalist to do the fucking job and you voted...For Nazi Orange. Again. No words.

You know when I was 12 and Obama was still the president. I remember loving the USA. Grand houses, cool movies, the music culture as I always liked pop, the diverse community how all you were so much more detached and free then me in my little France.

I remember at 13 to learn English because I wanted to go to the USA. I wanted to be able to talk to my idols. In 2017. I got called a racial slur in Orlando. It was also my first time being cat-called while my dad was right there, I mean I always got stares but bro was whistling and shit while my whole family was there. I loved Disneyland, loved the whole thing except for this two very weird encounters. I mean I am very light skinned and didn't know such word existed and my step mom who is a black woman didn't tell me what it meant when I asked her. And it was to me who it was said by the way because it was a little blond girl who said it while staring into my soul.

I learned that day that I was a black woman. That my light colored skin contrary to any had thought had offered me no protection whatsoever.

Which is funny because I am the lightest in my group and I got called a white woman a lot by them only it's our little rascist jokes between us.

But in the USA I get treated like the "Bad Hombre" as Trump called them. I get called a "Niggay" by the white folks.

And funnily enough this experiences although very defining did not stop me from making it big in the USA I thought I just had to not go to orlando and i'l be fine...

And then George Floyd happened. I then watched real life documentaries about victims of police brutality. BLM happened.

I saw people that looked like my grandma and uncle getting shot at as if they were just fucking cattle.

When Biden got elected I thought "Maybe if the democrats win again...I can forgive them., I can go there and see their world and drive for an awful 8 hours when I barely wanna drive for 30 minutes hahaha."

And...Well...Trump won. He did. By a large margin I am CERTAIN there were tampering in the election as usual.

But...The fact is. He fucking won. Despite the whole world watching. All of us were quietly hoping for you all to show us. Progress what the USA stands for.

Diversity

Freedom

Dreams

And you vote for the man. Who extinguished the most dreams I have ever seen. You vote for the man who made me re-think every respect I ever had.

You had the chance to make a woman president. After the first black man president in the western world you could have had the first woman president.

You could have gained all the respect you had ever lost back. To the people who voted at all, bravo for trying. To the people who didn't vote PER CHOICE...I have nothing to tell you except you could have done something.

I won't even dwell on the dumb fucks who voted third party. Just vote for Trump at that point it's the same the whole world has been telling you this for 8 years now.

But back to this. The American dream is dead. I dream of nothing more but for the USA to stop being everyone's burden. I don't want to go to your country. I don't want to know anything right now.

Are we a joke to you ? Because USA you are the ehole circus right now.

I am gonna go focus on something else since clearly the hatred was stronger then the Hope. This isn't even a joke the USA has a true problem and if I need to spell it out well too bad.

I hope Drag queens will keep existing and that is that.

Have a pleaseant day tbh. I have no words. I won't try to tell you that there is hope or whatever. There is none. Your fate has been sealed. In fact many fates right now have been sealed. I can see in real tiime how many lives are about get snuffed because Harris didn't win. I am not here to tell you to have hope. I can however tell you Good luck and get the fuck out.

You have like 3-5 months before it really starts to be a shitshow so if you wanna move out or had plans. Move to Europe as a whole.

I am not even angry. I am throughly disapointed. In about 8 month France will feel the wave. Gaza ? Pfft. I'm going to keep donating and reblogging.

To the mutuals who voted. Thank you for trying. I hope you stay safe and are white looking enough for the upcoming times.

[fizzingwizard]

families, politics

Apparently my dad is lately asking my mom if I really believe the (political) things I say on Facebook. Apparently he also told her (I mean I already figured this was what he thought, I just didn't know he'd said it out loud) that going to college turned me into liberal nut.

Where has he been the last.... at least twenty years lol

If anything "liberalized" me, it was friends coming out in middle school - waaay before college - terrified of telling their family that they're gay; another friend being kicked out of home for being gay; learning about historical figures who made amazing achievements and went unrecognized because they were female/black/poor; also, hell, just learning standard American history, about how Prohibition didn't stick and what it was like in internment camps and why the US sterilized people with disabilities... I have no need to be liberal. I do very much have a desire that we don't repeat the mistakes of the past. Or at least make as much of an effort to limit it as we humanly can.

Yeah, if anything "liberalized" me it was living as a my own thinking individual in a world that doesn't value that. I'm valued for my labor, certain kinds of labor being more valuable than others; I'm valuable for contributing to the population, regardless of my wishes or circumstances. My life isn't valuable by itself. Except it is infinitely valuable to me. And that's why I think a good nation's chief objective should be enabling the maximum number of people to live as freely and securely as they are able. Silly ideas about purity and the "right way" to live your one precious life, which doesn't belong to anyone but you, restrict freedom and security and are therefore wrong. I don't need to be a liberal. I don't need to be safe or secure or even free. I DO need to be WORKING TOWARDS THAT FUTURE.

Of course I believe the things I post. I think, if anything, I've been restrained. My dad posts incendiary things and many of them don't have links. If they do, they link to a far right source. Meanwhile I always source, and I make an effort look for news that attempts to be unbiased. If I read something in leftist news, I try to figure out where it's coming from rather than just react. But I do have opinions, duh. I'm prone to sarcasm but I don't think I've been rude. And even if I have ever strayed that way, my dad regularly posts about "libtards" and how stupid everyone else is. The lack of awareness is stunning.

I also know I could be wrong. I told my mom after the election: anything Trump does that is good, I will give him credit for. Doesn't mean I'll approve of how he did it, or forgive him for all the other stuff. But this is politics: there isn't just good or bad, as much as we might wish it could be that clear-cut. If he eliminates a bunch of corruption in the government that's fucking great. I want to be capable of acknowledging that, while also knowing it's totally fucked up to lay off a shit ton of people who now all will be competing with each other for the same jobs, and it's fucked up to present DEI as a discriminatory practice towards white men when its entire foundation is ending discrimination towards marginalized groups. It's fucked up to try to relocate Palestinians away from their homeland. It's fucked up to say you'll turn Gaza into a resort. These things can all be fucked up and be done by the person who gets rid of government corruption. And yes, they weigh more strongly with me - because they'll echo for a long time. Meanwhile the recently cleansed government will 100% become filthy again in no time at all. So. There's that.

Anyway, it's not fun to find out your dad hasn't taken you seriously ever. On the other hand, he recently posted about All in the Family and how Archie Bunker was so right. When I was a teen we joked that my brother was Meathead. Maybe it's me :P After all, if my dad thought that show was a reflection of reality (rather than a parody), he would have no time writing off my opinions or my mom's. The little women are just talking, after all. Once my dad made a foray into trying to become a youtuber. We thought he'd made music. Instead he made a talk video in which he monologued about how annoying women are when we talk. He thought he was being funny. He didn't like being "canceled" when my mom and I were not particularly amused. That's the thing about free speech. You can say what you want, sure. But no one else has to like it. Why is this concept so damn hard? lol.

Funniest part of all would have been a punch line about how my dad is by far the biggest talker in the family. He's so tuned in to how much time my mom spends catching up with her sisters and caring about how their lives are that he doesn't notice how much time he spends talking at her and not listening to what she says... Small wonder they're divorced.

My policy with my dad is no politics. There's no way we can have a relationship if he's going to insult what I believe. I don't insult him. I've watched him get totally bent out of shape because other friends/relatives said something not so nice, while never acknowledging the straight up rude stuff he's said to their faces which provoked them. He's always just "speaking his mind." They're always "being jerks." If he can continue to talk with me without bringing up politics, fine, but I'm worried that with things being as fiery as they are that they won't. Even I have a line not even family gets to cross.

[bisluthq]

Yes! Exactly everything you said about matty and the comedian comparisons! I’m completely stumped about comedians I like atm lmao but I do like dark comedy. I think matty wanted to be like them but just isn’t cool enough or smart enough, or it’s cause he actually does believe the “jokes” he makes. But yeah, he’s shown who he is enough times now, and I think this has been the clearest he’s been where there’s no gag, it’s straight up shit.

Also I think he doesn’t want to be a better person or a good person, he just wants to be perceived as one the same way he wants to be perceived as a non snobby intellectual, but he just reminds me of Russel brand (excluding the very part about the allegations about Russel, I haven’t heard that sort of thing about matty). He seems to put so much effort into acting like he doesn’t care about fame and image and legacy but he sure knows how to go ‘woopsies i think I think I said something bad again? I’m not perfect :( but no one can be :) but I don’t want to be an asshole :( but I can’t help who I am and at least I am always true to myself :)’ i can’t imagine being a fan, it seems exhausting (i say as a swiftie lmao).

And yep, you really see what people think when they’re angry/ upset! I have this problem, only my problem is that I grew up constantly hearing the homophobic f slur (never actually used in context though because my extended family has a lot of LGB folks, and we had a drag queen family friend) but if someone stubbed their toe, encounter a bad driver, spill a drink, anything, they’d shout “fucking F…”! I struggled getting my key into the lock the other day and was busting for the toilet and said “come on you fucking f…” and it caught me off guard, because one I’m bi lol but it just came out so easily and without thought, but mostly because I felt uncomfortable when Jason Kelce said it a few weeks ago even though he was using the word that had been used against him. But talking about a key in the door, it obviously has no deep meaning or person attached, but I need to unlearn that as my “I’m so frustrated right now phrase” 😬 but in a more serious thing, we have had a lot youth crime and when they show videos with blurred out faces and the kids aren’t white, or it’s in an area that’s accepted a lot of refugees, the things people who weren’t even affected will say, and comments people leave on social media with their government name… so messed up! I read a book a few years ago about African Americans living in America and children of immigrants feel they need to be perfect and not get in any minor mischief or trouble like underage drinking because other people will paint it as a failing of their whole community. I can’t remember the name of the book now (maybe it was a blm podcast actually? If anyone remembers it please let me know) but it was something that I hadn’t personally seen/ noticed until after learning that. But now I see it everywhere, and especially with trans people atm!

I keep thinking about what you said about Vance being more dangerous than trump because he speaks well and I’m noticing it with the edge lord types who use big words or people who write a seemingly logical explanation about why eating too much red meat is bad and then they’ll just throw in some racist dog whistles and then within a few weeks they’re not using dog whistles but saying the racist shit unfiltered and because they made some accurate points and used big words and sounded eloquent, it just slides in there like ‘oh well this must be true too’

I got off topic from talking about what matty said but it feels like it’s all connected in some weird way. It makes sense in my head, I just can’t put the words in order.

I mean Matty saying what he said wasn’t really a joke - it was just a racialized threat. Obviously it was a jokey threat because I don’t believe Matty would fight Azaelia (also: he if he did, he would lose because she’s just straight up crazier than him). And I just have no patience for that? If he said “I’m coming to egg your house” that would be a weird thing to say but it wouldn’t be racist. If he said “next time you see your car, expect the tires to be slashed” that would be a threat of malice but it wouldn’t be racist. Even if he just said “next time I see you, I’m gonna smack you” I’d be like “… ok” but the wig thing coming in was just RACIST and there’s just no excuse for that.

Especially because he keeps doing it. He keeps being “accidentally” racist which like… bro is just a racist little man. And obviously that doesn’t make him about to go commit hate crimes or whatever but it’s also like??? Come on.

and I agree when you see people committing crimes is often when the hate comes out and it’s like idk man the hate was there and let’s be real, if you need a group to be perfect not to use slurs against them then you’re just bigoted? Like yes. You get shitty Black people, and shitty Muslim people, and shitty trans people, and shitty poor people. Having a marginalized identity doesn’t make these people better people. It’s also imo prejudiced when people make excuses for shitty behaviors “because” the person committing it is marginalized. Like no that person is just shitty. Maybe they have an excuse for it but just about everyone has an excuse for the shitty things they do because almost no one goes out with the express goal of being a bad person? But that person happens to suck. Okay. Says nothing about the group as a whole 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ People are just people.

I said this a while back out loud and this person tried to gotcha me by saying “but aren’t you anti cops and isn’t that just the excuse there that there are some bad apples” and the difference is cop is not an identity? It’s a job. And it kind of doesn’t have room for bad apples. I hadn’t seen that when I had that convo, but to quote Chris Rock again he has this whole thing about how if a number of pilots at an airline just… hated landing planes and preferred crashing them into things, we wouldn’t be like “oh no a few bad apples!!!” we’d be like “fuck that airline” and like no those people shouldn’t be pilots lol. People who like crashing planes shouldn’t be airline pilots. Maybe they can be stunt people?? Idk. Find a different job. People who like shooting people shouldn’t be cops. They should maybe be hunters? Idk. Some things should just preclude you from certain occupations. That doesn’t speak to your identity, you’re just… ill suited for that particular role in society.

which is very long and rambling but ties back to Matty and Azaelia fwiw to say that aspects of who they are as people should preclude them from a public presence. Pity. Because both are musically talented individuals. Azaelia tho fwiw hasn’t put out music in forever, I think she’s mostly just… causing shit. And it’d be okay if she was yelling into a void but people do pay attention and that sucks. And same for Matty. Like he just shouldn’t be a famous person with a platform. He’s a weird, over sensitive, shitty little man and he should be talking into a void lol.

[beardedmrbean]

[Huey Zoomer Anon]

“How did the zoomers get radicalized?!”

LIFE ISNT A FUCKING KIDS CARTOON!

This old tweet https://x.com/dyingscribe/status/1847076825597432144?s=46

Also yes left, act like zoomers like how our abusive female relatives treat , because we totally aren’t going to find away to escape and get payback years later…

Fix the ice cream machines trump!

Now people primarily focus on the demonization of white male zoomers but several non white zoomers are sick and fucking tired of the INFANTILIZATION the left do to us

Me: Wait did you just say that I have a mentality of a toddler because of my skintone and mental illness and I can’t resonate with any character unless they are the same skin tone as me? And I have genocidal hatred towards white people?

The left: Yep!

M:….*Look up the actual ideology of the Nazis* OH, Hitler believe in Conflict Theory just like modern feminists. So that how Ze gas chambers were justified!

I always wonder how such inhuman actions like the holocaust happen…but then I started to change the term “Jew” to “White man/boy” in hitter’s rants…

Tweet makes a very good point

Also yes left, act like zoomers like how our abusive female relatives treat , because we totally aren’t going to find away to escape and get payback years later…

Folks have been pointing out abuse and manipulation tactics used online for the last several years, 10 years ago if someone said that they were being gaslighted most people wouldn't have known what that meant, but now they do.

And they're recognizing it when things are happening themselves now, whoopsie for the folks that are angry that it's not working anymore.

Fix the ice cream machines trump!

He's moving fast, got that done before he was even elected

(you can thank the right to repair movement, lot of farmers that wanted to be able to fix their tractors on their own and such)

Now people primarily focus on the demonization of white male zoomers but several non white zoomers are sick and fucking tired of the INFANTILIZATION the left do to us

Like I sad, learning how to identify abuse and manipulation tactics works. Sorry angry people.

M:….*Look up the actual ideology of the Nazis* OH, Hitler believe in Conflict Theory just like modern feminists. So that how Ze gas chambers were justified!

That would be how those folks got the sections from mein kamph published in a peer reviewed journal, that and people doing the peer reviewing are a joke.

I always wonder how such inhuman actions like the holocaust happen…but then I started to change the term “Jew” to “White man/boy” in hitter’s rants…

See previous comment about mein kamph for feminists

[klinefelterrible]

I apologise but I had an epiphany and got inspired so I wrote this little thing and I just need to post it here as it seems appropriate

cw: right-wing trump supporters, parents allowing priests and children, police

Kid: Dad let's play that game you loved so much when you were a kid

Dad: Yeah okay, let's find it online....

Dad: Aaaand yeah, I guess that's it.

Kid: press 'play', Dad

Dad: and it's loading... Wait a minute, this game used to be ad-free! "Do you believe in Jesus Christ?" What the fuck?

Kid: better click 'yes', Dad

Dad: why would I do that

Kid: because it will... Yeah, that

Dad: why would the screen turn blank all of the sudden?

Kid: *sigh* put it into flight mode, clean the cookies and reload the page

Dad: okay, it's back on. What, the same question?

Kid: click 'yes'

Dad: another question! 'How many days spent Christ the saviour in the desert?' What am I, his travel journalist? Fuck that! I'm typing '666'

Kid: *sigh* and now the game has only four levels

Dad: four?! It had 1599 levels and 43 bonuses!

Kid: *sigh* yes, but not in the Christian Safe Space, Dad. See the little cross next to the address bar? Either you answer the quick 10 questions about the Bible and another five every two levels, or you won't play it, even if you pay

Dad: does pirate bay still exist?

Kid: yes, but when you type it to the browser...

*ding dong*

Dad: someone's at the door

Kid: it's the priest, with the policeman and that masked guy with the whip

Dad: what the fuck?

Kid: they will make sure you repent for your sins

Dad: what sins

Kid: thinking of stealing

Dad: can't I type nothing?

Kid: yeah you could type some porn and the priests and policemen would kidnap mom and my sister and rape them and record it for you to watch, if you like to watch so much

Dad:

Dad: pinch me

Kid: the best way is to just follow the rules

Dad: no fucking way

Priest, peeking through the window: If you don't open the door in two minutes, we're going in and taking the child away

Kid: he means me

Dad: all I wanted was to play a game

Policeman, opening a window with his baton: YOU VOTED FOR TRUMP, YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN

Dad: but I'm a republican! Why are you doing this to me?

Priest: were you a good boy?

Dad: yes

Kid: no

Priest: dad gets 20 whips and kid 10

Kid: okay

Dad: why?

Priest: you lied to a minister

Dad: oh kill me already

Policeman: can be done, just resist

Priest: but then we're taking the kid and making him a priest and a policeman

Kid: and a faggot

Guy with the whip: *chuckle* yeah this fella has a point

Policeman: we killed all of them fags already

Priest with a face totally blank: yes you did

Dad and the guy with the whip: yeah you did

Kid: can I just recite the bible until you're done?

Priest: you know bible by heart?

Dad: don't you?

Priest: don't whip them, they're christians

Policeman: maybe ask them to prove it

Priest: I gotta believe their word

Dad: I also never got a speeding ticket because I was speeding

Policeman: why do you have four unpaid tickets then

Dad: the speedometer was broken

Priest: five minutes with the kid and I will erase them and get you a raise

Kid: no

Dad: you're kidding, right?

Priest: yeah, hah-hah, that was a joke

Policeman: hah hah

The guy with the whip: so, no flogging today?

Priest: nah, let's get outta here

Policeman: so, about those tickets...

Dad: what tickets

Kid: Dad

Priest: so, I, uh, will take a kid outside and you guys talk about those tickets

Kid: Dad

Dad: I want a raise

Priest: you'll get a raise

Kid: Dad

Guy with a whip: Dad

Dad: We need this money

Priest: yeah, yeah, you need the money alright

Policeman: so about those tickets

Dad: let's hear it when the priest is back, okay?

Policeman: I think I'll go, uh, pray with them

Dad: can I go too?

Guy with the whip: I don't think it's a good idea

Dad: why?

Guy with the whip: it's forbidden

Dad: what

Guy with the whip: watching children pornography

Dad: oh

Kid: Dad!

Dad: keep it real, kiddo!

Guy with the whip: first time, huh?

Dad: yeah, sort of

Guy with the whip: cool cool

Guy with the whip: so anyway what do you do for living?

Dad: I sell Barbie dolls

Guy with the whip: remember the time when you could play a game on that website?

Dad: now you can only play a game if you pay for it and see a gazillion of ads

Guy with the whip: weird, huh

Dad: it's the only way for us to earn more money that we could ever spend

Guy with the whip: yeah yeah

Dad: they're taking their time, huh?

Guy with the whip: it's called an investment

Dad: an investment?

Guy with the whip: yeah, they rape a child now, make sure it becomes scared and obsessed with police and church and eventually becomes one of them

Dad: whoa

Guy with the whip: or a faggot

Dad: we don't want that

Guy with the whip: it depends on the kid

Dad: yeah

Guy with the whip: I believe they're on a finish line now

Dad: how do you know?

Guy with the whip: the kid started praying for this to never happen again

Policeman: your tickets are now nonexistent

Priest: You get a raise

Kid: you're an ass

Dad: don't be vulgar, these men came here to help us

Guy with the whip: let's go. Take care

Dad: see ya

Policeman: vote republican

Priest: see you in church, kid

Dad: do you want a doll?

Kid: i want to die

Dad: don't be funny

Kid: do you want to play a game online?

Dad: no time, I have to go to church earlier today

Kid: okay

Dad: I, uh, have to meet someone there

Kid: who

Dad: Jesus

Kid: what

Dad: also I want to apply for a job there

Kid: what

Dad: I think I'd be a great priest

Kid: what

Dad: this profession is the future

Kid: what

Dad: or flogging

Kid: why don't you say that police are the good guys now

Dad: we're rich, they're on our side now

Kid: what

Dad: we're white, rich and friends with the priest now

Kid: we're not friends

Dad: we're important people now

Kid: I wish you never told me about that game

Dad: what game

Kid:

The concepts of NSFW is being cleared of the Internet under the false pretense of children’s safety when it’s really about the people in power sanitising for advertisers and pushing evangelical narratives AND that not enough is done to keep legitimately harmful content off of spaces that minors have access to are ideas that can coexist

[phillipcole]

Michael Naughton Show part 3

Naughton: That was a sweet little tune, and sounds like it came from the 60s.

PBC: To confuse future archaeologists.

Naughton: How's that?

PBC: Thousands of years from now, after most of our culture is forgotten, some archaeologist dig up about 20 country songs. They don't know what to do with them. They give them to a music expert. He doesn't know a word of the language, but he assigns them to 3 eras: before 1950, 1950-2000 and after 2000. This tune gets assigned to 1950-2000...mmmmmp....He gives them back to the archaeologists. They give them to a language expert. He notices this is one of 3 songs that mentions trains. From that they conclude that trains existed only for 50 years. Then he deciphers the title, and-since the other 2 songs about trains are from the same era, the archaeologists call me a liar.

Naughton: Ha ha...now I have to ask you about your upcoming appearance on the Late Show with Stephen Colbert.

PBC: Hmm hmm, yes.

Naughton: 2 weeks from tonight they'll be pulling the plug on you colleague Phillip.

PBC: Yes.

Naughton: Can you briefly tell our listeners how you came to this moment?

PBC: Yes; in 2014 I auditioned for America's Got Talent with a routine called celebrities that make Phillip sick.

Naughton: Especially one Donald Trump.

PBC: Thank you; he was no more special than the others at the time, but...that got me on the show and the last name on the list is still a mystery.

Naughton: There were 2 at the time, right?

PBC: Yes, Cole wiped his bum with the last 2 names. One of them was Janet Reno, former Attorney General...

Naughton: And what did she do?

PBC: Massacred a small cult; so when she died we told everyone, then discovered that millions of people were betting real money about the last name.

Naughton: Then what happened?

PBC: A bidding war, the Colbert people won and got the right to announce any update, eliminate suspects and-eventually decide if Phillip dies.

Naughton: Still it would not have come to this unless Donald Trump had become President.

PBC: That's right. After the 2024 New Hampshire primary Phillip lapsed into a coma, and they would have pulled the plug last May except that O. J. Simpson, another name on the list died in April. Then the election put Phillip back into a coma. I don't think he wants to come out of it during this administration.

Naughton: So...will he die May 29?

PBC: Probably not that night...when you pull the plug on a real person he lingers a while. The date of his death is in the hands of the Late Show.

Naughton: After that will you reveal the last name?

PBC: They'll tell me when, yes.

Naughton: Will that be...a relief?

PBC: Biggest of my life probably. Every time I write a celebrity joke I have to hesitate about how it might affect the betting.

Naughton: So what's in the future for your career?

PBC: Well,...mmmmmp.....unless I can lick this lung trouble, I can't go on tour. I can't do any substantial acting or directing. I'll be mostly a writer and producer.

Naughton: Do you have enough material?

PBC: Mountains, and in every medium. Each of these movies will also be available in graphic novel, audiotape, 2 of them in written novels. I've got projects all over the world.

Naughton: All over the world?

PBC: There's a big one in India I plan to announce soon.

Naughton: So you'll be busy, one way or another?

PBC: As long as my brain works.

Naughton: I know you have a plane to catch and it's time for another break. I wish you all the best.

PBC: Thanks, you too.

Naughton: Don't go away. We have a lot more good music after the break.

[inact-ice]

Season 2 Episode 7!!

- zombie? In this show magics canonically real right? I doubt they’re gonna do zombies tho lmao

- if season 1 buck had decided to commandeer a giant shovel machine (forgot its name)like this people would’ve dragged him

- HI KAREN! Hens father left??? This fandom really doesn’t talk about hen enough bc goddamn

- bye bye hens dads life support

- hi Maddie

- THIS IS THE GHOST CLIFF CALL (I think) wow season 2 is iconic

- chimney is such a funny guy who always agrees with me, yeah PULL THE CORD HEN. Lmao not hen bringing up the rebar incident… you he indeed

- eddie stop serving face a ghost just called 911 for a man on a cliff

- EDDIE YES A GHOST CALLED 911 GHOSTS EXIST IN YOUR UNIVERSE SHITS CRAZY

- Buck no way you just said we gotta live one right in front of the the live one in question

- SEE ITS A GHOST

- no way Bobby’s acting like the idea of a ghost calling 911 is crazy, who tf else made the call? Really a random other stranger who left?? There wasn’t even a path under him it was ocean

- EDDIE STOP SERVING FACE YOURE MAKING ME NERVOUS! I remember being a student watching prospective parents creep on our class

- SHANNON! WE’RE GONNA MEEY EDDIES FIRST VICTIM!! Tf you mean there’s not a custody agreement.. how has this never come up before

- BATS! ABBY THE CITY NEEDS YOU

- Eddie stop serving face there are bats among us

- lmao Donald trump joke in hit show 9-1-1

- why’s everyone acting like the ghost thing is crazy, that phone was so freaking clean! And there’s the same voice, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN IT WAS A GHOST

- A GHOST CALLED 911 I LOVE THIS SHOW

- Why do they keep saying a ghost called 911, like we get it

- oh maddies talking about Abby… yeah buck you gotta leave her house man she’s not coming back

- HENREN! Nice to see you without the cheating arc queens

- still so crazy that I never heard about this arc like what

- henren being cute, love it.

- SHANNON! HI IM SO GLAD TO MEET YOU! … why did Eddie hug her like that tf

- Eddie stop serving face, the wife you abandoned who then abandoned you is looking at pictures of your son

- god Eddie really is so hot, like distractingly so

- omg Shannon Abby’s mom was sick too, you guys should meet up

- Shannon I’m so sorry to hear this bc I know that man’s lying to your face rn… truly can’t comprehend that he left her alone to raise a kid with the same people who badmouthed her after she DIED. I know lots about the Shannon backstory bc people love eddies drama

- wait…. Athena you saw the cops be incompetent asf and you decided you wanted to contribute to that? Well anyways

- someone should’ve told 9 year old Athena about the true crime girlies

- pull that plug hen!

- on a serious note, this arc with hen and her dad is so fucking good. Like no offense but can we focus on this instead of Athena’s thing and eddies mess?

- Carla and Eddie should get together fr

- Eddie be so fucking for real. YEAH TELL HIM CARLA!! He works 30 minutes from her??? LAFD IS THE BEST IN THE WORLD?! That can’t be true, what about Australia?

- awww christopherrrr i love this kid

- the police being insane again, wdym you’re bringing a horse near a firebreather, you wanted to die fr

- OH NO HE HURT THE HORSE! If this horse dies the police man needs to die on my screen

- police man this is so 100% your fault, FUCK YOU

- ohh not the metaphor for hens dad… how’s she gonna pull the plug on her dad if she can’t do it for the horse. Can someone like hold hen please

- oh hello little girl, hope this doesn’t traumatize you for life. And we’re just letting her watch??? Ok ig

- guys I actually don’t care that much about the horse, I only knew him for like 5 seconds and I knew he was gonna die the moment I saw that stupid cop on him

- so what’s the point of Athena’s little arc here, like what is this for

- SHANNON! Damn Shannon’s beautiful. Eddie Diaz you get your hand off of that woman’s car, have you lost it?? This is like a softer version of that scene everyone was freaking out about in the kissing booth

- OH SHANNON😭 it’s not your fault your kids disabled and it’s not something that’s a fault anyways, Christopher’s awesome

- wait guys I love Shannon, she’s so juicy and complex. Wow Eddie is a horrible actor, Shannon’s putting her shannussy into this and he’s like “I miss you” 😐

- oh no way are they kissing rn. Wait this is such a hot couple like guys lemme squeeze right in between ya

- ugh hi buck, hi Carla! Yeah that voice is me buck, move ON! DAMN! Can a woman not mourn her dead mother without a man whining about it. Buck moooove omg, if you’re so upset about it then MOOOVE! Yeah that’s what I said, you should have moved on a looong time ago

- FINALLY BACK TO THE INTERESTING HEN PARTS! Aw hen :( confessions to an imaginary daddy is gonna get me unfortunately. Oh she’s gonna pull the plug! Forgive him?? Aw hen, I wish they’d let this arc kinda breathe without the Buck nonsense and whatever random thing Athena had going on, but that was very touching

- like why is buck doing the end thing rn, HENS FATHWR JUST DIED! Buck this is embarrassing for both of us bc i forgot you still lived here tbh… like wasn’t he flirting it up w/ Taylor last episode? I thought he’d moved on!

this episode should’ve been called ‘a ghost called 911’. God why is season 2 so boring, and I still don’t get why you guys are so obsessed with Buck like all he does is give me second hand embarrassment and mildly annoy me. Ok onto the next episode

[monstermaster13]

'Look at what this whistleblower did with their time two years ago This..episode, if I could even call it that, is supposed to be portraying anyone who has problems with the producer/director in a negative light. Just look at the genius dialogue here which i'm far too stupid to understand because i only know basic troll speak. It's basically incomprehensible a lot of the time because i don't understand proper english and only know trollish and homestuck speak, but i'm a total jerkass who sucks up to internet troll wannabes so what do i know.' That comment if you could call it that, comes from an obvious psychopathic stalking wannabe who simps way too much over Jade Harley to the point of wanting to be her, heck this guy is a legit killer in the DA-Verse, he pretty much stalked poor jade and tried to make her his bride and then took over her body, he is a stalker and he knows it, he even admitted that nathan was right for saying that it's creepy that the people in the Daloliverse have a cult dedicating to trolling people and extorting, i'm sorry but to the admin who approved of this psychopath, you should have been demoted ages ago, this is him in a nutshell….'oh i'll leave nathan alone since i'm done with him…what's that, he did a hatefic about me and it's obvious he has problems with me, well i'm going to bitch about it to my stupid friends because how dare he do a disgusting incomprensible fic about me being turned into my waifu', might i add this was early 2020, dude he forgot about you after that, you should have moved on, the only truthful thing part is you admitting you're a jerkass who sucks up to a cult of internet troll wannabes which is true, besides it was your fault to begin with, protip - when going around other online universes don't go bragging about being an internet troll wannabe, don't go advertising the site universe you're a part of like it's the trump brand and you're donald trump putting his name on everything, that's ever going to get your ass kicked or you getting permantantely block-spelled from every online universe in general, at least admit you're an asshole and move on, also yes…we know you find it in incomprensible because it's english and you obviously only speak basic internet troll speak or whatever you call the homestuck character's dialogue.

Honestly if I were Andrew Hussie i'd sleep with a gun under my pillow and the lights on just in case this psycho may be lurking under my bed, seriously if all homestuck fans are as horrible as this extreme prick, then i too would be worried for my life. 'oh jade harley how i fantasize about being inside you…i mean i want to be you, babe…i want to see if you have breasts or an egg-cell maker, i know hussie didn't draw breasts on you but i still want to see what you've got underneath your clothes' is all i hear coming from this guy's mouth, also 'false flaggeer', look who's talking, that hate vlog you did in which you got little to no comments and only one person viewed it, and besides, all of your crappy shows and episodes got taken down by the youtube verse by you yourself, don't go blaming nathan for this, youtube doesn't want your nasty homestuck fetish, also 'portraying anyone who has problems with the author in a negative light', i'm sorry but that and the cwc comparison saying that nathan and cwc are one and the same even though nathan makes it clear that he's very offended by the comparison, also incomprehensible, dude…you did a freaking joke au universe that was nothing but casting your tf-universe idols as characters from undertale and homestuck using music and no dialogue and the music didn't even have lyrics, you didn't even use that sans and papapyrus song 'to the bone', for shame, and also for shame on asking about emplemon aka the guy who hates james-a-williams for reviewing 'kids shows' and does meme videos even david lynch would find confusing, and for assuming nathan hates mr metokur just because of him commenting on one video of his, look mr metokur just mentioned him once and that was it, nothing more, nathan only asked for the video to be taken down because he was shocked and embarrassed that metokur even remembered the whole thing to begin with, see above and also you were a freaking stalker, admit it, i'm sorry but do you even understand why nathan had videos that were supposed to be mocking him taken down, because those were originally videos of his that were on his old account but he deleted them and some stupid people pretty much stole…i mean mirrored them to try and get lulz, besides i already talked about the mr metokur issue, and that video got taken down, they weren't criticizing him, they were mocking him, then again it's a good thing you went mia in 2021 because frankly i hated your guts, no i'm not going to do a 'revenge-fic' about you, i'm just saying you need to get a grip and realize that jade harley will never want you, besides…jade likes the kind of man that is unattractive but gets a lot of women anyway.

[thefoxsbookofdays]

11th June

[email]

"It was just like the movies!" my client said, slapping me on the back.

The case was for residency. I acted for Dad who has had the kids 14 & 13 (there was another kid he has had much longer) for a year. The mother is quite crazy - but that is not clear on the documents and she had a real trump card: the kids had expressed a real & strong wish to live with their mother. With kids that age only the most unusual circumstances would override those wishes so things were not looking too bright for my client, the dad - a lovely guy, much liked by my staff because of his politeness and lack of drama.

There was a detailed family report prepared by a Social Worker. It said that despite the wishes the kids should stay with dad (the counsellor was onto the mother being a nut) but that alone was not going to get us over the line necessarily.

So I started cross-examining her and she was not looking too flash. Secret mobile phones given to the girls had raised His Honour's eyebrows and there was some other stuff but still nothing extraordinary.

Then it came out that one of the children had got into trouble at school because she had a copy of the Family Report in a plain envelope addressed to her. My instructing solicitor had actually been aware of this and that our client said the mother had given it to her (which a Judge would really frown on) so I thought I would have a go at her about it.

Cross-examination is all about framing questions with extreme care so you "close the gates" as we say in the game - which is an analogy to rounding up sheep - just as you work sheep slowly into a smaller and smaller space until you can do what you like with them - in cross examination you work them into a place where they have to concede the point you want them to concede. A bad cross examination is when you leave a gate open and they escape through it. Especially at the last minute. Just like sheep. Does that make sense?

It's like the old joke where a guy comes up to a man beside a dog and says "Does your dog bite?" The man replies "No" and then the other guy approaches the dog, is bitten by him and says "I thought you said your dog did not bite!" The other guy replies blandly: " That is not my dog..." That is just like a gate left open in cross-rxamination.

Anyway, she denies she gave the report to her, or encouraged anybody else to, or knew about it. No idea. Absolutely nothing to do with her directly or indirectly. Yes? certain? Absolutely certain.(This is all gate shutting) In fact she goes further and makes all these insinuations that my client has done it. She is a slimy little thing!

I know she is lying but I can do nothing about it. It would be great now not just how she did it because it would be a lapse of parental judgement but also because to establish that she actually lied about it would destroy her credit which

is about the best thing you can do in any case in any Court to any witness. The credit issue wins and loses cases.

So I get this document back from her and fiddle with it a bit while I ask other stuff and I notice that right at the top there is evidence it has been faxed. There is no number on it but it bears an imprinted printer brand " HP-JET 3500" or something like that. Then I think, hang on, and give it back to her. I ask her if she has noticed that it was faxed? Yes, she has. Does she recognise the printer? No. She doesn't. Not hers. No-one's that she knows etc etc (More gate closing) This haa all taken about 45 minutes by the way.

You see, what she doesn't realise is that I have leafed through the huge file from our office and found a letter from her with the same imprint.

I take the envelope to lunch.

We come back from lunch.

I start up again. then, in a panicked moment, can't find the flippin' envelope in the mass of papers on the bar table. I am just about to leave this topic defeated when a colleague comes up behind me "Did you leave this at the coffee shop?"!!!!

So I give it back to her, put it into evidence and then pull out one of her letters with the same imprint, folding over and hiding the imprint before I give it to her.

She accepts it as hers and I have the Court officer unfold the fold. Man O Man, the look on her face was worth a $1000 dollars and the look on the judge's face as he looks at her face roughly double that. The trap is sprung and she is gone a million. She has lied . We all know it and she knows we all know it.

From there on everything else was going to be a bonus but BUT! what a bonus we get! She then says: "This was stolen from my long-term partner!"

Um hello? What long term partner? She has come to Court in a residency case not disclosing the existence of a partner of 13 years! This, by the way and as you can probably guess, far from a good idea. The Judge is right up her: "Farce", "Outrageous" "Beggars Belief" he sets new records in adjectival-stringing together!

Then I said (guessing) "And he was here in Court earlier this week, wasn't he?"

"Yes" she says. Double whammy. More adjectives. "What is his name?" "I don't want to tell you" Bang! Triple word score! "So last time we were in Court you were asked if you were in a de facto relationship weren't you? (guessing again)

"Yes". "And you said "No" didn't you?" (another guess) "Yes". "So you lied?"

"Yes". Got her! Perjury. Go to Gaol go directly to Gaol!

The Court is in these circumstances entitled to make a referral to the DPP recommending a prosecution for perjury (Maximum penalty 21 years. Lol) but His Honour was more concerned with getting the case finished. He hinted to her counsel that now would be a good time to - well - just give up. Her counsel, who was incompetent, didn't get it and so it did not finish till next day. But in reality it was all over in that hour and a half.

[20 years ago]